( it was the text that first got his attention. 'close the hatch. stay away from the hatch. this is your only warning.' he lifted up off the couch to slip out without so much as a word, just a finger raised to indicate that he'd be right back, and right back he surely is - but now, as he slips back in through the cabin door, the wary intrigue has been replaced by something more brooding, almost but not quite resigned. )
Tunnel, ( he briefs emil, failing to reclaim his seat on the couch in favor of a restless sort of pacing. ) Under the lake. People are going in. (he should be going in. he's the scout, isn't he? isn't that his entire job? and yet the concept of crawling down that hatch makes every inch of him tense up, like his body's going to refuse the moment his mind wills him to go. )
❰ it's basically a boring day. emil's phone has gone off, but he doesn't even care so much -- the only person he would answer a message from immediately is sitting basically less than an inch away. lalli gets up and the arm that was draped behind him on the back of the couch is now exposed. huh. maybe he should look at his phone.
so the message is read by the time lalli comes back, and his body language is immediately taken note of. it's all the more obvious that this is weighing heavily on his mind, not stopping moving; emil follows the back and forth with his eyes. ❱
And you want to go, right? ❰ it's basically an obvious question, but at the same time...lalli is usually so straight forward, doing what he wants with no hesitation. he's seen him in a similar state before; perhaps this is at a lower level, but he'd still like to offer his boyfriend comfort. especially since, if prompted, emil does have some strong feelings about this situation. and, being truthful, it won't take much for him to open up about them. ❱
No. ( the word comes immediately, low and almost frustrated. that's the problem. he doesn't want to go, to a degree that is actually potentially hindering him from the obvious need to go regardless.
his next words are huffed with a scowl: ) But I'm the scout. ( a couple more paced steps, and a little shake of his head. ) They don't know what they're doing. ( he doesn't even know who's planning on climbing down the tunnel - they don't know what they're doing well enough for lalli to feel right about leaving them to it, regardless. )
❰ this is a subject best broached very carefully, and emil has reached a level of self-awareness that means he knows just how carefully to tread when questioning lalli. not just his logic or thinking; emil will admit grudgingly that lalli's the one of the two more often right. but this also regards his own sense of identity. that steadfast commitment to a role has followed him from the silent world to asgard, and now here. to be a scout and a mage...one is literally within his body, but the other might as well be as close. ❱
Lalli...you don't have to feel bad about it. And. ❰ this is the part where words matter, and he's grown enough to stop and think about how he wants to say this. ❱ You don't have to be the scout. At least, not all of the time.
❰ the kneejerk reaction to fulfill his duty, and in doing so helping others, isn't a negative trait. it's just one that emil wishes he didn't have such a death-grip on. ❱ It's okay to put what you really want to do first.
( he knows he doesn't have to feel bad about it. that doesn't really change the fact that he does - and not emotions-bad, but the kind of failure-bad that buzzes through his entire being, as if an echo of himself is doing the right thing in heading to the tunnel right this moment and the rest of him needs to stop being stupid and go catch up to it.
'you don't have to be the scout.' then what is he, if he isn't the scout? if there were other scouts, he could at least take shifts, but there aren't. it's just him. it's just him, and the concept of just not being this thing has an array of inscrutable emotions flickering across his expression, at least two of which look like he's about to speak but words don't quite come.
then, finally, he turns to fix eyes on emil. ) What if they die? ( he doesn't give the swede time to answer, closing in a step, brow knitting more sharply. ) Or get stuck in a loop in their heads where everyone else dies? ( like he did, the last time he scouted down a tunnel. it's the precise reason he wants nothing to do with this one. but that doesn't change the fact that if he did go, he'd at least be able to recognize it before they got stuck. )
❰ emil has a lot of sympathy to give other people at his core. he's never wished ill on anyone else, no more than an inconvenience or fantastical accident. so it's not as if he would want, in this hypothetical scenario, all those people stuck in the hole to perish. if he were directly there, in this moment, he himself would offer a helping hand in whatever way he could, albeit he would have no real forethought about what to do.
but the reality is they are far removed from the scenario, and there's a hierarchy of concern emil has established in life. however many people might be trapped in some sadistic well, none of them come before his care and concern for lalli. and especially in a world where their vitality could be so easily snuffed out. ❱
[ There is a delivery of food outside of the door when they come back one day mid-October, packed in a crate full of jars and wrapped foods. On the top is a note: ]
To kindly resident of the Lake,
For your winter stores, I have prepared this food for you to keep before the snows come. Whilst we have a glut of food at present, it is best to keep this in the case that should we be trapped inside your house, you can rely on this food to help you see through until the thaw frees any blocked roads back to town.
I hope you find it suitable and that it keeps you well.
In Health and to your Good Will, Gilia St. Loe, Second Child, Daughter-Sea, Of the Isle St. Loe, She Who Sings the Sea to Prosperity
[ The package includes:
5 x 1kg bags of Salt
5 x 1kg bags of Sugar
30 x 1kg bags of Flour
3 x 280g Yeast
30 x 1ltr jars of Butter
10 x Jar of Pickled Cabbage
10 x Jar of Pickled Tomatoes
10 x Jar of Jam Fruit Preserves ( Assorted: Strawberry, Blueberry, etc )
10 x 1kg sides of salted meat ( pork, lamb, beef )
5 x Jars of Dried Rosemary, Thyme, Basil, Coriander, Dill
20 x Pancake Mix
10 x Cake Mix
1 x 2kg Flax Seed ( + recipe how to use it for cakes to replace eggs )
1 x Recipie for How To Make Bread, 1 x Recipie for How To Long Stew Dried Meat
I wouldn't die. ( spoken with a scowl, as if it's a stupid thing to suggest - but that scowl fades a moment later, perhaps the only indication that he does indeed recognize the validity in emil's concern.
a sigh through his nose, and, ) They said you come back if you die, didn't they? So it doesn't matter. ( which isn't quite the point he wants to make, but he doesn't know how to articulate 'i've always known i'd probably die protecting others, so it's better me than someone who might actually be haunted by it'. )
[ It's hard not to feel listless, kept in a cage as they are. It's hard to stave of the frustration. She has work to do, dammit! A mission to get back to, back home, a crew to take care of.
But the thing is, her crew is here, too. Somehow. And none of them remember the same things she remembers. The how's and why's of all that go way over Sigrun's head, but one thing is certain. As long as her crew is here, she needs to be here with them, to make sure they don't go getting themselves killed or go insane with boredom, either or.
Case in point: When she realizes she has ten crates to sort through and organize and no help in sight, she marches into the cabin next door and barks an order to the first person she sees-- just so happens to be Emil. ]
❰ on the opposite end of the spectrum, emil is quite content to sit in his house, only go out when absolutely required, and avoid death and dismemberment at all cost. work? who's she?
he's certainly somewhere between being killed again and death by sinking into the couch cushions, so perhaps her assistance isn't quite required. maybe it can be preemptive, shake things up a bit. ❱
You can knock. ❰ emil's eyes have narrowed after widening at the intrusion. not like she's witnessing much. he's got a wet dish in his hand, nothing scandalous or pressing. the complaint still stands! ❱ What do you need me for?
[ Well. But Emil has a point. Sure, she would love to trust the technicians to give her exactly what she asked for, with no tricks pulled, but why should she? What reason have they given her to trust them with anything?
She shakes her head to clear it, not wanting to fall into a hole of apathy that will lead her nowhere and be entirely too hard to pull herself out of. She refuses to be anything but proactive with her time here. ]
Anyway, that's why we're going through it, piece by piece. To see if it really is better than nothing.
❰ emil gives up with a shrug, turning the water on to wash his dish after an awkward moment of silence before the stream kicked on. stupid cabin. stupid house he hates.
as safe as it might be (most of the time), sometimes he really, really does want to get out of it. he'll never get used to the dinginess of it, especially compared to what was basically his dream home in asgard.
so fine. sigrun wins. ❱
Where is all this stuff -- I don't have to haul it somewhere, do I? ❰ he's not anywhere near doughy again, but he also hasn't been trekking across scandinavia or building a house to stay in prime phyiscal condition. ❱
[ Completely bypassing his resigned tone, she gives him a good old clap on the shoulder. ] Knew you'd be on board.
[ Emil may have a tendency to complain about the orders she gives him, but she can always trust him to get them done. Reluctant, but competent.
She picks up a towel, ready to help dry the dish once Emil is done washing it. Might as well pitch in to speed up the process. ]
They're outside my cabin. If the crates are watertight, I don't see why we can't leave them there. If not, we move everything inside. I don't need all that space.
❰ not technically the 'no' he was looking for, but it's better than a direct 'yes'. he hands the dish off to her, shaking his hands off once it's taken. ❱
What exactly did you even ask for? ❰ he has a ballpark idea of what she'd consider to be 'supplies;' he would think the same way. that doesn't mean that's what's actually in the crates. ❱ They might have stuffed a million marshmallows or something in them, so don't get too disappointed if that's the case.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
( action ) 17th, upon the hatch's reveal
Tunnel, ( he briefs emil, failing to reclaim his seat on the couch in favor of a restless sort of pacing. ) Under the lake. People are going in. ( he should be going in. he's the scout, isn't he? isn't that his entire job? and yet the concept of crawling down that hatch makes every inch of him tense up, like his body's going to refuse the moment his mind wills him to go. )
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so the message is read by the time lalli comes back, and his body language is immediately taken note of. it's all the more obvious that this is weighing heavily on his mind, not stopping moving; emil follows the back and forth with his eyes. ❱
And you want to go, right? ❰ it's basically an obvious question, but at the same time...lalli is usually so straight forward, doing what he wants with no hesitation. he's seen him in a similar state before; perhaps this is at a lower level, but he'd still like to offer his boyfriend comfort. especially since, if prompted, emil does have some strong feelings about this situation. and, being truthful, it won't take much for him to open up about them. ❱
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his next words are huffed with a scowl: ) But I'm the scout. ( a couple more paced steps, and a little shake of his head. ) They don't know what they're doing. ( he doesn't even know who's planning on climbing down the tunnel - they don't know what they're doing well enough for lalli to feel right about leaving them to it, regardless. )
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Lalli...you don't have to feel bad about it. And. ❰ this is the part where words matter, and he's grown enough to stop and think about how he wants to say this. ❱ You don't have to be the scout. At least, not all of the time.
❰ the kneejerk reaction to fulfill his duty, and in doing so helping others, isn't a negative trait. it's just one that emil wishes he didn't have such a death-grip on. ❱ It's okay to put what you really want to do first.
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'you don't have to be the scout.' then what is he, if he isn't the scout? if there were other scouts, he could at least take shifts, but there aren't. it's just him. it's just him, and the concept of just not being this thing has an array of inscrutable emotions flickering across his expression, at least two of which look like he's about to speak but words don't quite come.
then, finally, he turns to fix eyes on emil. ) What if they die? ( he doesn't give the swede time to answer, closing in a step, brow knitting more sharply. ) Or get stuck in a loop in their heads where everyone else dies? ( like he did, the last time he scouted down a tunnel. it's the precise reason he wants nothing to do with this one. but that doesn't change the fact that if he did go, he'd at least be able to recognize it before they got stuck. )
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but the reality is they are far removed from the scenario, and there's a hierarchy of concern emil has established in life. however many people might be trapped in some sadistic well, none of them come before his care and concern for lalli. and especially in a world where their vitality could be so easily snuffed out. ❱
And what if you went and you died?
○ MID OCT
[ The package includes:
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a sigh through his nose, and, ) They said you come back if you die, didn't they? So it doesn't matter. ( which isn't quite the point he wants to make, but he doesn't know how to articulate 'i've always known i'd probably die protecting others, so it's better me than someone who might actually be haunted by it'. )
action; sometime after the shitscram deliveries
But the thing is, her crew is here, too. Somehow. And none of them remember the same things she remembers. The how's and why's of all that go way over Sigrun's head, but one thing is certain. As long as her crew is here, she needs to be here with them, to make sure they don't go getting themselves killed or go insane with boredom, either or.
Case in point: When she realizes she has ten crates to sort through and organize and no help in sight, she marches into the cabin next door and barks an order to the first person she sees-- just so happens to be Emil. ]
Drop what you're doing. I need you.
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he's certainly somewhere between being killed again and death by sinking into the couch cushions, so perhaps her assistance isn't quite required. maybe it can be preemptive, shake things up a bit. ❱
You can knock. ❰ emil's eyes have narrowed after widening at the intrusion. not like she's witnessing much. he's got a wet dish in his hand, nothing scandalous or pressing. the complaint still stands! ❱ What do you need me for?
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Inventory. We got a supply run from the technicians. Come on, you can wash your dishes later, it's time for us to pretend to be Mikkel for a bit.
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the request is ignored, finishing his dish. this isn't particularly his business, but emil is going to question her here. ❱
Are you really going to trust anything they give you? Isn't their whole thing that they're here to hurt us?
❰ note that this isn't saying no, there's just. reservations. ❱
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[ Well. But Emil has a point. Sure, she would love to trust the technicians to give her exactly what she asked for, with no tricks pulled, but why should she? What reason have they given her to trust them with anything?
She shakes her head to clear it, not wanting to fall into a hole of apathy that will lead her nowhere and be entirely too hard to pull herself out of. She refuses to be anything but proactive with her time here. ]
Anyway, that's why we're going through it, piece by piece. To see if it really is better than nothing.
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as safe as it might be (most of the time), sometimes he really, really does want to get out of it. he'll never get used to the dinginess of it, especially compared to what was basically his dream home in asgard.
so fine. sigrun wins. ❱
Where is all this stuff -- I don't have to haul it somewhere, do I? ❰ he's not anywhere near doughy again, but he also hasn't been trekking across scandinavia or building a house to stay in prime phyiscal condition. ❱
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[ Emil may have a tendency to complain about the orders she gives him, but she can always trust him to get them done. Reluctant, but competent.
She picks up a towel, ready to help dry the dish once Emil is done washing it. Might as well pitch in to speed up the process. ]
They're outside my cabin. If the crates are watertight, I don't see why we can't leave them there. If not, we move everything inside. I don't need all that space.
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What exactly did you even ask for? ❰ he has a ballpark idea of what she'd consider to be 'supplies;' he would think the same way. that doesn't mean that's what's actually in the crates. ❱ They might have stuffed a million marshmallows or something in them, so don't get too disappointed if that's the case.