( It's true, that Emil has been touching him, before Lalli had any indication of waking up. His own sleep had been stirred by some fitful movement, waking up to discover his boyfriend trembling before his arms had flown to clutch at his throat. Sitting up, Emil took one of his shoulders with a rough shake in an attempt to shock him from whatever nightmare had him so ensnared. It felt like minutes passed, all efforts fruitless even as he called out Lalli's name at an increasing volume.
Once Lalli finally wakes up, the question can't even be asked before an answer cuts off words that don't exist. The flinch comes and the shoulder is let go off; Emil doesn't take it personally. The concern in this moment is too heavy and at the front of his mind. )
What? ( It's soft, as much a way of asking if there's anything he can do as he can muster in the moment. The background is filled with an ambient river sound that can't be placed based on the setting's current activity, If he needs to be quiet, leave, be there in some other way...so be it. )
❰ but even at just one word, the question's too heavy for the moment it's fallen into - and instead of it lifting lalli up, it breaks through the ground between his feet and he's tumbling into a void of what, what can emil do, what can anyone do, can anything be done? because this, this is his job. this kade that found him here, and now they're both in danger. maybe everyone is.
he's breathing too fast again - he'd started to regain some hold on it until the question, but if that one little question is too much then he needs to just not be here until it's something he can handle. ❱
Half hour, ❰ he mutters on an exhale, then he's up on his feet, hopping off the raft with a practiced ease and heading for the door. if emil lets him go (which lalli hopes every absent god that he does), the finn disappears out into the hall, shutting the door behind him.
what happens then is largely inconsequential. he wants to run, but there's nowhere to run in this storm, so failing that he finds somewhere to hide. hide and gather his thoughts and collect his heart and his lungs back under his control.
and then, just more than 27 minutes later, he's slipping back through the door. though there's still an unsettled sort of buzz around the edge of his movements, the finn is visibly so much calmer now than he was when he left. and he steps back onto the raft, sinks crosslegged in the abundance of bedding, and reaches out to set light fingertips along the side of emil's face. see? fine now. he doesn't touch when he's not fine. ❱
Had to go. ❰ quiet, almost apologetic. he knows emil can hardly stand when he does that. respects it, but fixates on it the whole time lalli's gone. ❱
( No objections are offered as Lalli slides off the raft, out into the hall within a matter of seconds. Emil can't say he's not tired, but it's an easy enough feat to stay awake, especially for such a short amount of time. There are things to occupy his mind with, like the nervousness he can't push out of his mind, telling him that one wrong turn will tip him into the supposed lake below. But it won't; the same magic keeping the water from escaping through the door seems to keep the raft afloat and sturdy. There's no reason it should be so solidly on top of the water with his weight dispersal now only on the one side, but here he is.
He knows Lalli is back because of the light movement of the water he can hear; his eyes were closed in rest while he waited. Emil's eyes open to watch the shadowed figure come back onto the raft, reach out to touch him with some reassurance. Shifting from his back to his side, towards the direction of the touch, he looks up at Lalli without much more movement. )
But what was wrong? ( This isn't the first time that this has happened, with the obvious answer being a nightmare. Maybe he won't find out anything again, but it doesn't stop him asking, both very concerned and curious about what continuously causes such extreme night terrors. )
❰ at the question, lalli stills. teeters wordlessly on the precipice between either of the two directions this might go.
then he's shifting again, scooting from where he sits facing emil to something more parallel like when they were sleeping. it lets his gaze find a nondescript bit of water on his side of the raft, something to stare at and gather his thoughts.
for a long, long minute, it seems like that might be it. his entire reply, in the form of not offering one. wouldn't be the first time he's forced a dropped topic by dropping it himself.
but then, ❱ You know that mages dream together? ❰ back in finland, or iceland or norway or wherever the mage happens to be. ❱ Not usually in the same place, but in the same... world. One between our world and death. ❰ tuonela, he's used to saying - but not all mages go to tuonela, so he's learned to adjust. ❱
( If they were to just fall back asleep, Emil wouldn’t have been upset. Lalli doesn’t owe him an explanation, and he’s come to learn that further needling just aggravates the situation. He requires space and circling at times, and eventually Emil will land at some place positive, or with some knowledge.
In this case, perhaps that strategy won out, as eventually Lalli finds it in himself to discuss this. Not that he had to know, but he was concerned. Curious. He doesn’t move as he blinks at the movement beside him. )
Sort of? A mage version of what we did before. ( The specifics are lost on him, but the fuzzy outlines within the picture are present. That it’s between their world and death sets his nerve at unease. Mostly, he didn’t really think things like that were possible here. At least, not in the same way that Lalli would be used to. There’s definitely more to this. )
❰ lalli's nose wrinkles at the answer before he can think to mask it, and he's shaking his head. ❱ We were only ever in one dream, doesn't matter what shape it was. This is different. A sea in the clouds, as still as glass. Paths sometimes, stones just under the surface. Stupid Icelanders don't need the paths, can walk right on the water, but I never could. ❰ it's not entirely like him to admit his shortcoming so frankly. maybe it would be different if this were still something he could commonly do, could do on purpose rather than having it thrust upon him once every couple of months when that thing decided to skulk a little bit closer.
which brings him to, ❱
Something was following us. Me, Onni, Tuuri - all the way from Saimaa. Even in the Silent World, like it knew. I saw it sometimes, off in the clouds. Never saw me back. ❰ his teeth work at the inside of his bottom lip a second, thoughtful. he knows what he thinks is happening, what every fiber of his being screams is happening, but he doesn't want to let that color the truth of it. the rationality.
he says it anyway. ❱ I - ❰ no, he's not going to start this sentence with 'i think'. ❱ It found me, here. Don't know how. Don't know if it can even get here, or where it is now, but it saw me. ❰ a furrow of his brow, and his words take on a frustrated edge. ❱ Stupid. I could always wake up, before. Don't know if it trapped me or if I'm just weak here. ❰ a beat, then a frustrated huff and he's flopping onto his back, a palm on his forehead with his elbow sticking up into the air. ❱ Both, probably.
( Listening to the description he's given, Emil tries to picture this setting in his mind. Maybe what he's come up with is too fanciful compared to the reality, but it is surreal, after all. Lalli's confessed shortcoming is basically glossed over while he lays out the details in his mind one by one; Lalli had never seemed to be a person with glaring skill deficiencies to him, and this certainly didn't count. It's a byline in a conversation about his inclusion in this world of dreams, so whether he can walk on water isn't something he'll hold against him.
His eyes had reflexively closed, but they open now at the meat of Lalli's concern. The sleepier feeling fades to a sudden nervousness, taking a moment to think back to the expedition. It's a lot to think about any moments where this might have been something happening in the background, unaware because of some barrier or another. No? Yes? Obviously it existed in this dream space, but it's so large a situation that it's strange to think he had no idea about it before now, even tangentially.
Then his attention finally snaps to the present as the real heart of the matter is presented. Ah...it's hard to decide how seriously this should be taken. Not that he thinks Lalli is somehow overreacting or not worth validating, but instead whether or not this is a possibility. It shouldn't be, right? But somehow something leaked through into Asgard from some other Wanderer's world, so maybe this could be something similar...?
Emil can tell that Lalli does think this is that same creature, though more present than not. At the end of the day, he's simple. This isn't a cause for alarm, he thinks, because the most likely situation is, ) It's just a nightmare. You're seeing it when you're asleep, but your brain is just...showing it to you. That's why it's different. ( By now he's rolled off of his side and into a seated position, attempting to clear his head by getting away from his pillows. A hand runs through his own hair to adjust it from its mused state, before moving to rest above Lalli's head. Stray fingers comb at his scalp, in hopes of some gentle reassurance. ) You're not trapped, or weak.
if faith uses something besides compasses i'm gonna have to retcon this but w/e
❰ it's... a nightmare. that's what emil's telling him. and he knows the swede is trying to reassure him, but nonetheless it takes all of the restraint he has not to fire back an accusatory, 'you don't believe me.'
instead, after a long second, he shrugs (a harder gesture when you're laying on your back, but he manages). ❱ Maybe. ❰ but his eyes do close in acceptance of the touch, much more pleasant than any of the actual words had been.
he considers trying again. trying to explain how real it felt. how much more certain he is than emil seems to realize, even if not entirely certain. not certain enough to tell honir, anyway. which reminds him - one hand reaches to slip into a pocket and pull out two small, identical objects. they almost look like overlarge lockets, but when lalli peels one open, it's a compass not unlike the one lalli has used to navigate the worst of the forest all this time. he eyes it, confirms where it's pointing, then offers it up to emil. ❱ Got these from Honir. Yours points to me.
( It's certainly not his intention to say he doesn't believe Lalli. Maybe that's what he is saying in a way, but Emil doesn't think about it when he quickly wants to reassure that they're safe, and Lalli isn't so ensnared by this thing like he thinks he is.
As he fiddles a loose strand of hair around his fingers, Lalli's response is noncommittal. Maybe he should be more insistent that things will be okay; this doesn't feel like he's anymore at ease. Perhaps it's just the lingering intensity of it. Before Emil can think about what else he can offer, though, the subject changes abruptly.
He's presented with two...pocketwatches? But they also look somewhat like the compass Lalli carries, that he's used to get back to Honir when far away. The latter assumption is correct. Emil reaches out to take one, assuming that his will be the same in function. It would be useful, especially with them planning on scouting together now. Then the real purpose is explained, and his chest clenches.
His other hand, previously petting Lalli's head, goes up to cup the item he's just been given. Sure enough, the metal arrow points to his left. Emil's arms extend over Lalli for a moment as he watches the movement, arrow shifting upwards. His arms retract, and he simply stares at the face of it. A lot rushes through his mind -- this required a specific request, and thus Lalli had to in some way articulate this, even if just to Honir. And there's the question of the other one, )
The other one is the opposite...? ( He asks in a stunned whisper, assuming it to be the case but wanting some confirmation; he removes one hand from his grasp on the compass to point between the two of them. The thought that it's indeed true is already pushing him to a certain emotional precipice, skin abuzz with the meaningfulness of the first part of the gesture alone. Before, this could be a statement of practicality, of a connection but one much more utilitarian. Now, there's just so much more...weight. )
❰ and lalli watches the his boyfriend process the tool he's been given, waving it experimentally around the finn to confirm that it does, in fact, work as explained. lalli's not entirely sure why it's such a shock. it's a practical gift, especially if emil plans to come along scouting.
yet emil seems almost shaken by it, voice reduced to a whisper as he asks a question that lalli confirms only by peeling open the one still in hand and watching as the arrow points immediately and unquestionably toward emil.
after a moment his gaze follows it, stealing a glance at emil in the corner of his eye now that the swede's assumption has been confirmed. ❱
( Perhaps more than anything it is practical. It's at least meant to be that way, but it doesn't keep Emil from feeling a certain...romanticism about it. It's going to be impossible that he doesn't use this nifty item for instances that aren't so utilitarian, or even necessary. And even regardless of their functionality, he has something that will always tell him where Lalli is, and the same is also true. It's impossible to ignore the implication of that kind of link.
If this was their bed back home, he wouldn't feel so paranoid about placing this gift on his little side table, or even next to him on the edge of the mattress. Here, though, he's surrounded by lapping water on all sides. One hand tightly clutches his compass so as not to lose track of it, but the other finds Lalli's unencumbered hand and gives it a squeeze, grip remaining tight. It's hard to think of what he could say to aptly articulate what exactly it is he's feeling right now, enamored but in a much more solid, grounded way than he usually is. )
Thank you. It'll be really useful. ( Which is actually on the bottom of his list of reasons to like it, but probably what Lalli would appreciate the most. Being useful, offering up a useful thing. Insecurities that Emil still doesn't fully comprehend, coming from the most necessary person he knows. )
❰ it's not subtle, whatever bubbles under the shifting inscrutability of emil's expression. like he's trying to express one thing but underneath it is something entirely different, in a way that lalli can't entirely identify. the outer layer though, he realizes, is practicality. this is emil trying to look pragmatic, just like lalli has been.
it's not... the way this should go. lalli's pragmatic because that's all he knows to be. that doesn't mean it's the right thing to be. doesn't mean it's what emil has to be.
but the words come anyway, practical as anything, and lalli hums a quiet agreement as he lifts emil's hand back up to his own hair, tilting and pressing a bit like he's trying to foist a precious bug onto a different surface. hand squeezing is nice enough, but not if it means the swede isn't touching his hair. priorities.
speaking of priorities - he's struck with the lingering need to show emil that it's alright to be impractical at him sometimes. so belatedly he murmurs, ❱ So you can stop worrying. ❰ ...vittu, he meant to say something senseless and sentimental but that, too, is actually kind of practical. ❱
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Once Lalli finally wakes up, the question can't even be asked before an answer cuts off words that don't exist. The flinch comes and the shoulder is let go off; Emil doesn't take it personally. The concern in this moment is too heavy and at the front of his mind. )
What? ( It's soft, as much a way of asking if there's anything he can do as he can muster in the moment. The background is filled with an ambient river sound that can't be placed based on the setting's current activity, If he needs to be quiet, leave, be there in some other way...so be it. )
no subject
he's breathing too fast again - he'd started to regain some hold on it until the question, but if that one little question is too much then he needs to just not be here until it's something he can handle. ❱
Half hour, ❰ he mutters on an exhale, then he's up on his feet, hopping off the raft with a practiced ease and heading for the door. if emil lets him go (which lalli hopes every absent god that he does), the finn disappears out into the hall, shutting the door behind him.
what happens then is largely inconsequential. he wants to run, but there's nowhere to run in this storm, so failing that he finds somewhere to hide. hide and gather his thoughts and collect his heart and his lungs back under his control.
and then, just more than 27 minutes later, he's slipping back through the door. though there's still an unsettled sort of buzz around the edge of his movements, the finn is visibly so much calmer now than he was when he left. and he steps back onto the raft, sinks crosslegged in the abundance of bedding, and reaches out to set light fingertips along the side of emil's face. see? fine now. he doesn't touch when he's not fine. ❱
Had to go. ❰ quiet, almost apologetic. he knows emil can hardly stand when he does that. respects it, but fixates on it the whole time lalli's gone. ❱
no subject
He knows Lalli is back because of the light movement of the water he can hear; his eyes were closed in rest while he waited. Emil's eyes open to watch the shadowed figure come back onto the raft, reach out to touch him with some reassurance. Shifting from his back to his side, towards the direction of the touch, he looks up at Lalli without much more movement. )
But what was wrong? ( This isn't the first time that this has happened, with the obvious answer being a nightmare. Maybe he won't find out anything again, but it doesn't stop him asking, both very concerned and curious about what continuously causes such extreme night terrors. )
no subject
then he's shifting again, scooting from where he sits facing emil to something more parallel like when they were sleeping. it lets his gaze find a nondescript bit of water on his side of the raft, something to stare at and gather his thoughts.
for a long, long minute, it seems like that might be it. his entire reply, in the form of not offering one. wouldn't be the first time he's forced a dropped topic by dropping it himself.
but then, ❱ You know that mages dream together? ❰ back in finland, or iceland or norway or wherever the mage happens to be. ❱ Not usually in the same place, but in the same... world. One between our world and death. ❰ tuonela, he's used to saying - but not all mages go to tuonela, so he's learned to adjust. ❱
no subject
In this case, perhaps that strategy won out, as eventually Lalli finds it in himself to discuss this. Not that he had to know, but he was concerned. Curious. He doesn’t move as he blinks at the movement beside him. )
Sort of? A mage version of what we did before. ( The specifics are lost on him, but the fuzzy outlines within the picture are present. That it’s between their world and death sets his nerve at unease. Mostly, he didn’t really think things like that were possible here. At least, not in the same way that Lalli would be used to. There’s definitely more to this. )
no subject
which brings him to, ❱
Something was following us. Me, Onni, Tuuri - all the way from Saimaa. Even in the Silent World, like it knew. I saw it sometimes, off in the clouds. Never saw me back. ❰ his teeth work at the inside of his bottom lip a second, thoughtful. he knows what he thinks is happening, what every fiber of his being screams is happening, but he doesn't want to let that color the truth of it. the rationality.
he says it anyway. ❱ I - ❰ no, he's not going to start this sentence with 'i think'. ❱ It found me, here. Don't know how. Don't know if it can even get here, or where it is now, but it saw me. ❰ a furrow of his brow, and his words take on a frustrated edge. ❱ Stupid. I could always wake up, before. Don't know if it trapped me or if I'm just weak here. ❰ a beat, then a frustrated huff and he's flopping onto his back, a palm on his forehead with his elbow sticking up into the air. ❱ Both, probably.
no subject
His eyes had reflexively closed, but they open now at the meat of Lalli's concern. The sleepier feeling fades to a sudden nervousness, taking a moment to think back to the expedition. It's a lot to think about any moments where this might have been something happening in the background, unaware because of some barrier or another. No? Yes? Obviously it existed in this dream space, but it's so large a situation that it's strange to think he had no idea about it before now, even tangentially.
Then his attention finally snaps to the present as the real heart of the matter is presented. Ah...it's hard to decide how seriously this should be taken. Not that he thinks Lalli is somehow overreacting or not worth validating, but instead whether or not this is a possibility. It shouldn't be, right? But somehow something leaked through into Asgard from some other Wanderer's world, so maybe this could be something similar...?
Emil can tell that Lalli does think this is that same creature, though more present than not. At the end of the day, he's simple. This isn't a cause for alarm, he thinks, because the most likely situation is, ) It's just a nightmare. You're seeing it when you're asleep, but your brain is just...showing it to you. That's why it's different. ( By now he's rolled off of his side and into a seated position, attempting to clear his head by getting away from his pillows. A hand runs through his own hair to adjust it from its mused state, before moving to rest above Lalli's head. Stray fingers comb at his scalp, in hopes of some gentle reassurance. ) You're not trapped, or weak.
if faith uses something besides compasses i'm gonna have to retcon this but w/e
instead, after a long second, he shrugs (a harder gesture when you're laying on your back, but he manages). ❱ Maybe. ❰ but his eyes do close in acceptance of the touch, much more pleasant than any of the actual words had been.
he considers trying again. trying to explain how real it felt. how much more certain he is than emil seems to realize, even if not entirely certain. not certain enough to tell honir, anyway. which reminds him - one hand reaches to slip into a pocket and pull out two small, identical objects. they almost look like overlarge lockets, but when lalli peels one open, it's a compass not unlike the one lalli has used to navigate the worst of the forest all this time. he eyes it, confirms where it's pointing, then offers it up to emil. ❱ Got these from Honir. Yours points to me.
no subject
As he fiddles a loose strand of hair around his fingers, Lalli's response is noncommittal. Maybe he should be more insistent that things will be okay; this doesn't feel like he's anymore at ease. Perhaps it's just the lingering intensity of it. Before Emil can think about what else he can offer, though, the subject changes abruptly.
He's presented with two...pocketwatches? But they also look somewhat like the compass Lalli carries, that he's used to get back to Honir when far away. The latter assumption is correct. Emil reaches out to take one, assuming that his will be the same in function. It would be useful, especially with them planning on scouting together now. Then the real purpose is explained, and his chest clenches.
His other hand, previously petting Lalli's head, goes up to cup the item he's just been given. Sure enough, the metal arrow points to his left. Emil's arms extend over Lalli for a moment as he watches the movement, arrow shifting upwards. His arms retract, and he simply stares at the face of it. A lot rushes through his mind -- this required a specific request, and thus Lalli had to in some way articulate this, even if just to Honir. And there's the question of the other one, )
The other one is the opposite...? ( He asks in a stunned whisper, assuming it to be the case but wanting some confirmation; he removes one hand from his grasp on the compass to point between the two of them. The thought that it's indeed true is already pushing him to a certain emotional precipice, skin abuzz with the meaningfulness of the first part of the gesture alone. Before, this could be a statement of practicality, of a connection but one much more utilitarian. Now, there's just so much more...weight. )
no subject
yet emil seems almost shaken by it, voice reduced to a whisper as he asks a question that lalli confirms only by peeling open the one still in hand and watching as the arrow points immediately and unquestionably toward emil.
after a moment his gaze follows it, stealing a glance at emil in the corner of his eye now that the swede's assumption has been confirmed. ❱
no subject
If this was their bed back home, he wouldn't feel so paranoid about placing this gift on his little side table, or even next to him on the edge of the mattress. Here, though, he's surrounded by lapping water on all sides. One hand tightly clutches his compass so as not to lose track of it, but the other finds Lalli's unencumbered hand and gives it a squeeze, grip remaining tight. It's hard to think of what he could say to aptly articulate what exactly it is he's feeling right now, enamored but in a much more solid, grounded way than he usually is. )
Thank you. It'll be really useful. ( Which is actually on the bottom of his list of reasons to like it, but probably what Lalli would appreciate the most. Being useful, offering up a useful thing. Insecurities that Emil still doesn't fully comprehend, coming from the most necessary person he knows. )
no subject
it's not... the way this should go. lalli's pragmatic because that's all he knows to be. that doesn't mean it's the right thing to be. doesn't mean it's what emil has to be.
but the words come anyway, practical as anything, and lalli hums a quiet agreement as he lifts emil's hand back up to his own hair, tilting and pressing a bit like he's trying to foist a precious bug onto a different surface. hand squeezing is nice enough, but not if it means the swede isn't touching his hair. priorities.
speaking of priorities - he's struck with the lingering need to show emil that it's alright to be impractical at him sometimes. so belatedly he murmurs, ❱ So you can stop worrying. ❰ ...vittu, he meant to say something senseless and sentimental but that, too, is actually kind of practical. ❱