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[enflame]

lalli & klaus

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❰ ACTION ❱ day 37 (july 15th), skadi district, vænnstaðr park

[skittering]

❰ of all the places to find respite from the insidious shadows, lalli hadn't expected to have such fortune at the park. honestly, they'd just been passing through as they made tracks for honir's realm - but this domain's patron god took emil's shadow and painted a tree with it.

'what is this?' lalli asked her without entirely realizing he'd spoken, and she explained that it was emil's life, or the things he'd felt during it. red for anger, blue for sadness, yellow for happiness. then she made similarly short work of lalli's, and (after finding it far less interesting than emil's) she departed to do the same with some newer, more fearful arrivals.

all of which leaves lalli to stand here and gaze up the length of the tree, brows knit. there aren't many colors on it. most of the trees are filled with colors, but aside lalli's isn't. not until just over head-height, when the few scattered smudges of blue and red grow more numerous, more vivid, interspersed even with bright streaks of yellow. that must be the expedition. he never quite realized how little he felt, before they left keuruu.

and then, a foot or two farther up the trunk, a jagged splash of deep violet hovers conspicuously near the top of the colored segment, tinged on the edges with an equally dark navy blue. he knows what that patch is, dark like rot, dark like the infection itself, and he can't quite tear his eyes away from it. ❱

[enflame]

( Despite his desire to be a homebody, Emil has found himself wandering more and more the longer he stays in Asgard. For instance, at first he'd kept himself to Honir and Tyr -- those being the only districts that he had any business being in. Tyr at night, Honir in the morning and afternoon. After that routine, though, he figured that if he had to walk clear across Asgard over and over, he might as well take some detours to spice things up.

With some new hullabaloo going on today, it's even more of a pique in interest to wander about elsewhere. Ah, new arrivals are out and about...or maybe the vestiges of hallucinations of new arrivals. Who knows. For the most part he doesn't particularly care.

At this point in the day, he hasn't noticed any familiar faces, but he has taken note of the bright streaks of colour everywhere. They're painted across the bark of so many trees in this district, most of them streaks of many different hues, shades and pigments. The whole rainbow is on display.

But then there's Lalli, standing in front of one tree that's not so varied. Emil approaches, studying the masterpiece with a curious eye. It certainly stands out, though he has no context as to whether that's good or bad -- or really what it is at all. )

Sooo...what are we looking at?

( Since the stare is so locked and intent, it has to mean something. )

❰ VIDEO ❱ day 47 (july 25th), apprx. midnight

[skittering]

❰ nearly eight hours after he succumbed to exhaustion on klaus's safehouse floor, lalli achieves something close enough to consciousness to recognize concepts like time and place. the place is very much not where he fell asleep - he vaguely recalls emil having some part in that, carrying(?) him back here. the bedding feels foreign, and the realization that he's on the mattress is something clicks into place.

he's in motion at once, urgency fighting the sluggishness still in his limbs as he fumbles his cuffs on to call emil.

when he picks up, the swede isn't even given time to offer a greeting. ❱

Where are you? ❰ the words don't sound nearly as sharp as they were in his head, the lingering sleepiness softening the edges around a very real, very important question. of course emil left, he had to leave, but where did he go? ❱ You should be with Klaus and the runes.

❰ it's worth noting that from emil's perspective, lalli is pretty much full gremlin, narrowed eyes and a bit of face sticking out of a pile of bedding in the dark. ❱

take two...

[enflame]

( Today has been rather surreal to say the least. The impending murder plot seemed like hot air in a lot of ways to Emil, disconnected from the serious of it by his very thin associations with Tyr in general. It was of course concerning to have open threats on their network, plus the fact that he had to stay the night in Tyr regardless of how he felt about it. As it turns out...things certainly were taking a very serious turn. Enough for all of this.

It all still feels rather disjointed to Emil, but he has the big picture put into place. Lalli is certainly taking it all to heart, enough to wear himself out and need to be taken back home. Carried, rather. Then another trip back to Tyr, joining Klaus in the safehouse. Despite being more isolating, it actually has more comfort appeal than the regular dormitories.

After exerting himself, as well as the nostalgic pull of sleeping while it's dark outside, the sudden incoming transmission alert pulls Emil out of a half-dozed state. Oh, it's Lalli.

Oh, it's a gremlin. Same difference. )

I am here. ( The slight inflection isn't sour, just making the point. He can show Lalli a view of the area, which he does with an awkward rotation of his wrist. The corner wall he's leaning against isn't well lit, and it's already nearly impossible to make out anything on his screen with Lalli wrapped in darkness, too. After a handful of seconds in shuffling gloom, the area is illuminated in a warm glow. He'll have to keep regenerating the palm-sized flame orb he's created every five minutes, but that's...fine. ) How long does he have to keep staying here, you think?

( Because he hasn't been explicitly informed that he's supposed to stay here now, too. That's just something he's doing out of the kindness of his pure heart. )

day forty, not long after the fools and their bath bomb

[channellings]

did you do something different with your hair?

[enflame]

Why are you asking ??

backdated to late day 39, a few hours after their meat discussion

[skittering]

❰ honestly, lalli can't quite believe that it worked. before this point, there were two sorts of gods - the finnish gods, who could be counted on but remained omniscient and detached, and these nordic gods, who are very much present but rarely provide anything of true value (aside from the occasional miracle, like tuuri's flesh-and-blood presence). maybe he's been mentally crippling his perspective - assuming that these gods, however easily contacted, were just as unlikely to interfere in a mortal's petty desires.

lalli couldn't have been more wrong.

maybe later, he'll sit back and catalogue the implications of that revelation. for now, he's skulking down the blessedly rural streets of honir's district with a steaming hot plate of venison. it's late, the sun is already disappearing over the horizon, but there's a definite chance that emil is still in their house in honir. doubly so when we consider that lalli hasn't yet reported back on how the entreaty went, and emil's rampant curiosity is likely to keep him in that underground home until the curfew drags him out.

that's what lalli's banking on as he ducks into the house, crossing the distance to the door to their room to scritch urgently at the wood with the toe of his boot. the platter's a bit too big to hold in one hand, so a certain swede is definitely going to have to let him in. ❱

[enflame]

( There's that feeling, again. Not like it's unexpected at all, or irregular. Still, the sensation that there's a thin wire yanking at Emil's consciousness isn't one that's welcome, even if he's been subjected to it practically daily for the past odd month. Some days it's more extreme than others, depending on how stubborn he feels, or if he has a reason to lollygag (maybe more aptly, to lalligag) around Honir.

That is indeed the case today, as he's lost on whether or not Lalli is actually coming back anytime soon after proclaiming he was going out to ask for meat. The more he's thought about it, he wonders if it's a fool's errand. On one hand, Honir had graciously given Emil what he wanted previously, and all he had to do was ask. On the other, if they wanted there to be meat around...surely they could magic up some animals? A dragon showed up, why not a pig or two?

The familiar scritching comes at the door just when he's feeling uncomfortable enough to give up and leave. ) Yeah? ( After a pause and the scritching doesn't stop, Emil hops up from his place on the bed, going to get the door. That's when he can smell it -- meat. It can't be, right? Well, Lalli said he would get it, and he's good with following through.

It's not until he opens the door that it fully hits him, and his eyes don't even fall on Lalli at all. Just that big slab of venison pleasantly presented before him. )

Is that real? ( It smells real. It looks real. He sure does hope it tastes real. He's been burned by hallucinations before...but ultimate it's a disbelieving but rhetorical question. He takes the plate from his friend, lifting it up for a closer look. ) And we can just eat all of this?

( That's definitely a more honest question; here's to hoping there's no caveat for sharing. )

❰ ACTION ❱ forward-dated to day 59 (august 6th), morning, honir district

[skittering]

❰ these days, it's about 50/50 on whether or not lalli will touch bases with emil in their room in honir at the normal hours. he's there almost every day, but sometimes he slips in and catnaps and leaves again without emil being any the wiser. then there are the times when emil falls asleep alone and wakes up with lalli in his usual nest on the floor. then there are the times he shows up just as emil does and goes to bed just as they used to, but his blankets are cold by the time emil wakes again.

today will be precisely none of those times.

lalli's crosslegged on top of the hill (the roof of the house, really) when emil approaches this morning, and as soon as he spots him he's standing up and heading down to fall into step beside him. but rather than turning to head inside, a slender hand catches emil briefly on the inside of his elbow, tugging just enough to urge him to keep on walking down the road instead. ❱

This way. ❰ the words may not be a request but the tone is. emil can absolutely refuse, but lalli's hoping he doesn't. there's a different sort of energy about lalli today, something like nerves lifting him out of the general fatigue state he's occupied for nearly two weeks now. if the swede follows, he'll be led down along the dirt road at a brisk but not urgent pace. ❱

[enflame]

( The feeling of listlessness Emil has begun to feel with his daily goings has become nearly routine. Perhaps it speaks to his softness. It's barely been 10 days since this whole safehouse thing started up, but that's not even his real problem. It's been fine spending time with Klaus at night, but then his other main source of socialization is barely around him anymore.

Emil had occasionally sent him messages about asinine things, some sprinkled in small talk here and there. However, Lalli didn't need to worry about whatever neediness he was feeling. He had the hard job of using his magic every day, then resting, then...whatever it is that he did when Emil wasn't around to pay attention or happened to be sleeping. Their closest point of contact would be Emil trotting from Tyr to Honir with his friend on his back. He never complained -- he had no reason to -- but even then, Lalli would fall back asleep eventually or just hang there, too out of it to be anything but mum.

It wouldn't feel as exhausting if there was an end in sight. As it stands, it's just the new normal. Honir, safehouse, Honir, safehouse, Honir again.

Which is where he's headed again, thankful to be able to fall asleep on "his" mattress, even if he'd dozed off at Tyr just a bit before. He's dazed enough that Lalli, seemingly falling from the sky, startles him enough to jump. Well, this is certainly something different from usual, especially with the sudden tug.

There's certainly no hesitation, and Emil follows quickly, keeping up with Lalli's swift steps. He hasn't any idea where he's going or what he's going to be doing once they get there, but he'll take it. This is more interaction than they've had in nearly a week. Many questions swirl around in his mind, but he keeps his mouth shut. To scare Lalli off with a sense of distrust, or to annoy him with petty chatter, would be devastating to him in this moment. Whatever the opportunity is, he's taking it. )

text; (day sixty-three, evening)

[channellings]

guess what
guess what
guess what
GUESS WHAT

[and yes, those were all separate texts.]

[enflame]

what Klaus?

( It better be good for four separate texts. )

[enflame]

( Emil ducked out of the fight scene before he could see Onni get that involved. While he's laying in the dark safehouse, the glow of a message coming through catches his gaze -- but Lalli's cousin isn't at all who he expected to be receiving correspondence from. )

I'll live

Why are you asking ?

❰ video ❱ day 79, afternoon.

[skittering]

❰ lalli left the house at dawn, waking emil just enough in passing to let his friend know that he's scouting so he doesn't worry. he doesn't owe him that, doesn't have to answer for where he's going or where he's been, but emil seems to appreciate it whenever he does and it doesn't really hurt anything, does it?

he's been gone for quite a few hours now, nearly ten of them by now, when emil gets a call. upon answering it, the swede's met with a still video feed of a gently gurgling river, as seen from somewhere halfway across. the sliver of stone at the bottom of the feed suggests lalli's found a dry bit of rock to perch on. the camera's aimed downstream, and occasionally sticks or bits of natural debris float past and off out of sight.

that's all it is, really. no update, no words at all - just the river and the ambient promise that lalli's alright. ❱

[enflame]

( He vaguely remembers being woken up, as has become customary as of late. At first it was strange, even if welcome. Strange in that Emil didn't expect Lalli to be so accommodating to his desire to be aware of where he was going. It wasn't his intention to be controlling or overbearing. Just...after their group scouting's disaster, and now that he knows how easy it is for some spare foliage to harm a person, it makes Emil feel more at ease to know his friend is leaving.

After falling back asleep for a while, he finally found the bright light of the outdoors too unbearable to keep sleeping. Since then, he's been on house duty. Rooms are starting to come together bit by bit, with the additional help more crew members bring allowing for some rooms to be almost fully boarded. The flash of his cuff is a blessing -- not that he needs an excuse to take a break, but the opportunity for one is always welcome.

He steps into the room he's claimed as his own, sitting on a step of the small step-ladder he's been using to help him reach the top of the beams he can't board up otherwise. Emil doesn't know what to expect from the transmission...but the ambient noise and nice visual is a pleasant surprise. It plays out without commentary from either side for a moment, before Emil finally breaks. )

Where's that at? ( With a lighthearted tone that reveals he zoned out looking at the relaxing image. If they had animals here, it might make for a nice place to fish, or maybe lead to a calmer part of the stream for the same purpose. )

❰ text ❱ day 86 (sep 3rd), late evening.

[skittering]

❰ emil has absolutely heard that lalli's looking for onni. the finn's been in and out, probably updating emil periodically (in passing, with very little care for detail) about the continued lack of any sign of his cousin.

finally, he went to honir. about twenty minutes after he left, emil gets a text. ❱

he's gone.

❰ that's all he says, for now. ❱

[enflame]

( The sudden lack of Onni's presence isn't initially concerning to Emil. He's not a pressing figure in his day to day life, and what interactions they have had were taut and somewhat awkward. Still, Lalli's insistence on finding him makes sense. That's his family. Even if he's just holing up in Heimdall for whatever reason, it's not off base in Emil's mind to worry about his whereabouts. Especially considering...well, everything.

Even with his own lack of direct investment, it still hits home that there's a confirmation that he's just...gone. Not there anymore, whatever that may mean. More than that, his chest fills with a tightness for his friend, losing the presence of one of his two remaining family members. Even if he wasn't close to Onni at all, that's pain enough. )

I'm sorry. I'm here for whatever you need. Talking, anything

❰ text ❱ day 115 (oct 2nd), early evening.

[skittering]

❰ so far, it's been a pretty ordinary scouting day. off into the woods just after dawn, a few scattered check-ins (pictures, notes) throughout the day. but today he decided to expand the perimeter he's set, to go that little bit deeper into the woods, and he has since come to the practical realization that he's - ❱

not coming back tonight.

not in danger, just too far out

[enflame]

( The small messages throughout the day are a blessing, as Emil uses them as excuses to take a break from his current project of assembling a kitchen table. Shelving is done, cabinetry plans are laid out, and this is the next most pressing kitchen issue that needs to be addressed. He never has a lot to say to the pictures and comments, but that's fine. It's not hard work, it just feels arduous without momentary escape.

When Lalli sends his latest message, he'd only put in the last leg support fifteen minutes prior. It's complete, so he's done for the night. Seems like Lalli basically is, too. )

Okay

You've got enough supplies ? A place to sleep?

( Another instance where it's not that he doesn't trust Lalli to care for himself -- he just likes to know. )

❰ text ❱ day 116 (oct 4th), mid-morning.

[skittering]

can't come back yet

things are different here. more different than last night. maybe bad different. have to make sure it's not



still safe. not sure how long i'll be in range to write you. maybe out of range already. say something if you got this

[enflame]

I got it.

I know you'll be careful. Come back if it's too dangerous

❰ video ❱ day 118 (oct 5th), late evening.

[skittering]

❰ it's been a full day and a half since lalli went radio-silent, with the assurance that he'd be safe and that he'd come back if it were too dangerous.

at least he can make good on one of those things.

he's been trying to connect through to emil, klaus, even tuuri for hours by this point, but only now is he finally in range. the video connects mid-sentence - ❱ -a, piru vieköön - ❰ and it's immediately apparent that the call is not the focal point of his attention. that would be occupied by running, which he seems to be doing quite a bit of, trees flitting across the feed before he notices that it's gotten through and his face appears. ❱

Emil? ❰ lalli doesn't wait for confirmation. ❱ Listen to me, you have to find Honir. Tell him - ❰ a pause, and a heavy breath - lalli doesn't get out of breath but he is right now, a tribute to how long he's been running. ❱ - tell him the dead are coming. ❰ it's hard to get a read on his face, since his cuff moves along with his arm as they run, but he seems both utterly serious and sincerely shaken - more so than he realizes he's letting on.

as an afterthought he snaps: ❱ And keep Klaus out of the woods.

[enflame]

( And Emil has felt the weight of his disappearance for a good portion of that time. A night of Lalli being gone is nothing. That was his job back home, it's his hobby and dedication here -- it makes sense that he's gone and without communication, not to mention he explicitly warned him of that to begin with.

After a 24 hour period, the real anxiety set in. It was impossible not to think that if things were too dangerous, and Lalli couldn't communicate with him...how could he be helped? If he was lost, stuck, in trouble, how would Emil ever even know?

Maybe things were fine, though. He trusts Lalli, who knows what he's doing. A true expert at scouting, Lalli would be able to get himself out of a lot of messes he would come across. The thing that began to eat at Emil was that even if he get out of so many tight spots, he couldn't get out of every tight spot.

His worry-soaked attention span has bounced from room to room of the house, detailing baseboards or listing how many drawer and cupboard knobs he needs to find. As he's contemplating retrieving plants in the morning to start landscaping for his pond idea, the light on his cuff finally lights up, and he's never answered it so fast.

There's barely time to interrupt him with questions or grateful solace, not with how fast his legs and mouth are going when he's not gasping for air. )

The dead? ( That statement made his blood run cold, suddenly reminded of the Silent World in a way that he hadn't been in quite a long time. Lalli was running from some sort of ghastly beings -- and maybe they would encroach upon their own territory sooner rather than later.

Almost on instinct, Emil moves to the porch, looking across the hills and valleys like there might be some creatures out there, already on the horizon. He wants to say a lot, to do a lot, immediately. But Lalli has given him two tasks and that's what he'll focus on for now. )

I've got Klaus. Get home as soon as you can. In one piece. ( As if making it a command guarantees it more than a whimpering request might. )

❰ action ❱ day 123 (oct 10th), late morning.

[skittering]

❰ it takes all of three seconds of consciousness for lalli to recognize that he feels more alive than dead for the first time since he emerged from the woods. alive, and restless. the gods are already preparing to march off to fight - the chaos hasn't reached their remote corner of honir's district and probably never will, but that doesn't mean it isn't as plain as day for anyone paying attention.

which lalli has been, because he's going with them. he and emil and klaus alike, which is why this morning, instead of carefully extricating himself from where he slept (curled vaguely around emil's pillow - he fell into this habit when they moved in and never quite fixed it, odd as it is) and flitting silently off to go about his business, his hand lifts to set on said pillow, fingertips alighting on emil's temple and forehead. ❱

Up, ❰ he murmurs, tapping a couple of times with his pointer and middle fingers. ❱ We're practicing magic.

[enflame]

( The light taps against his forehead stir Emil's mind, but not his eyes for a moment. Once they're open, it's an acknowledgement that he's got to get up and do something. His past few days have been restful, essentially just playing fetch for his still exhausted friend, and the break from house-building hasn't been taken for granted.

But mostly, there's something dangerous on the horizon, and today appears to be the day that they actually have to take action again; no more pushing it away.

Emil finally relents after another tap, opening his eyes and sitting up on his elbows, turning slightly to squint at his friend. )

Are you sure? ( The wound on Lalli's arm is no longer a concern, thanks to Klaus, but running so many kilometres over those three days...that's not something that can be healed with that simple magic. That level of exhaustion does concern him, even if there are pressing matters at hand -- especially considering Lalli is a stubborn limit-pusher. ) There's no problem taking another day if you need it.

❰ action ❱ day 148 (nov 4th), late night.

[skittering]

❰ lalli doesn't dream.

at least, as far as he knows. he hasn't actually dreamed in decades, not since his magic kicked in and every dream henceforth had at least a half-note of dreamscape lucidity, and here in asgard? he falls asleep one moment, wakes up the next. nothing in between... until tonight.

tonight is when it finds him. the thing that hunted them since saimaa, the kade or whatever worse thing a kade even answers to. he's roaming the vast watery expanse of the dreamscape space between one haven and the next, not quite realizing how long it's been since he's done so - and all at once, there it is. eyes, glowing, distant in the mist. they shift as they search. lalli's heart nearly stops, and he similarly freezes in place for a moment before survival instincts properly kick in and he (slowly, carefully, at odds with every urge to flee) sinks into a crouch and slides off of the damp stone path and into the dark waters. there are things in the waters, things that have nearly drowned him once but that's not nearly so bad as what happens if it finds him.

as if drawn by the very thought, it stops now, the glow passing for eyes shifting slowly to aim his way. he sinks lower still, eyes just barely peering over the lip of the stone, as small and unobtrusive as he can possibly be without losing track of where exactly it is.

that's when it shifts toward him. it moves as if it's merely taken a step forward, but that step is far too large for the size of it, bringing it leaps and bounds closer to where lalli presumes to hide. another step, and it's closer still. it isn't looking quite at him yet, but gods, it knows. it knows he's here. it smells him or hears him or just feels him, dangling on the other end of a string tied firm to its finger.

one more step, and it's nearly upon him.

lalli jolts upright in bed with a sharp intake of breath. his heart thuds in his chest, too loud, too loud, it will hear him - but it's not here, is it? not in the waking world. it hasn't found a way to cross over quite yet, or he'd feel it here too. wouldn't he? he doesn't know. he can't feel anything here. his senses are dulled without his own magic, something he's gotten so used to in as many months but has never quite forgotten.

for once in as long as he can remember, he's forgotten entirely that emil is even there. ❱

[enflame]

( Previously, Emil was something of a heavy sleeper. It hasn't proven to be useful since joining the military, but the old habit of setting his own schedule has died hard. After a few years, it's become easier to wake up when necessary, but even then it takes more than a few minutes for his brain's processors to become fully functional.

After dying, there's a cycle of waking and sleeping that feels very foreign to him. He sleeps lightly, wakes more easily with a constant state of numb grogginess, and smaller movements are much more rousing. This night...it's not a slight twitch or stir, it's a full blown shock to his mattress. Emil's eyes fly open, and a few awful memories pop up in his brain. Moments of panic, because something major had to have happened. Do they have to fight again? He's not ready, absolutely not ready--

But after sitting up himself and looking around, his room is normal. There's no beast, no undead, not even another person...except for Lalli, who's sudden movement has mostly stalled in sitting up, breathing as if he'd run and only now slid to a stop.

An immediate instinct he has is to grab his friend's shoulder, but that has become...complicated. He doesn't have the right to such contact, but it doesn't stop Emil from being concerned for what has startled his friend so badly. Right now, Lalli is still stuck in some place...some bad dream that he hasn't fully cognitively escaped from, and there are maybe other ways to bring him to the surface. )

Lalli? ( He questions softly at first, but wonders if something more firm will be better to shake him out of this. Touching right now...it doesn't feel right, but he places his hand firmly on the mattress between where they sit. ) Lalli.

❰ action ❱ day 149 (nov 5th), late afternoon.

[skittering]

❰ a mess of hair greets emil from the floor when he wanders into the bathroom first thing in the morning. at least two inches of it, some longer, some shorter. bewildering, maybe, but entirely devoid of context until lalli comes back from a short bout of scouting this afternoon, hair only incrementally short of a ragged mess. it's... passably even, but also very blatantly cut by the handful with a sharpened knife.

it's his usual hair-cutting method, though i won't try to pretend this time wasn't the result of a sudden bout of hopeless frustration. to pretend it wasn't something practical that he could take in hand and fix, unlike anything else in his life right now.

he doesn't seem to anticipate any kind of pushback from emil, based on the casual way he moves about the kitchen to gather a late lunch. ❱

[enflame]

( It's a sight that concerns him, but that seems to be a pattern when it comes to Lalli lately. The behaviour serves to amplify his guilt -- Emil isn't the best at reading people, but Lalli has always been someone he has an affinity for, and knowing him is somehow easier to him than others. Ever since he returned from being dead, the atmosphere between them has essentially soured, and it's all his fault. He knows it, and it's what he feared would happen. His mistakes and presence are a continuous upsetting feature in Lalli's life now, and he's too selfish and scared to just give up and end things so he can finally be better off.

He thinks all of these thoughts on a loop as he combs the hair from the floor with his fingers, scooping it up to throw away into a waste bucket. There's not a lot of it, but the way it's so haphazardly fallen to the floor makes it look like so much more. The source of the hair is unmistakable, even if Lalli isn't present as he cleans up the mess. He's seen this hair almost every day for half a year now...maybe more? Has that much time passed? Not to mention he's felt it between his fingers before, pet and smoothed it. The feel of it hasn't changed even if it's in shambles on the bathroom floor.

Admittedly, he's curious about what Lalli must look like after all of that. Even without seeing the action, he can tell this wasn't any sort of optimal makeover. The trimmings are uneven, sliced at angles that go one way, then another. Emil's suspicions are confirmed when Lalli returns home, strolls past where he's standing at the kitchen counter as if he didn't just hack at so much of his hair.

Lalli walks past him so quickly that he barely gets a look at his face, and there's suddenly this burst of emotion in the center of his chest. It's not positive, it's panic. Like this is some straw that might finally break the camel's back, that this will all be over now. Emil turns quickly and grabs Lalli by the arm, eyes filled with a concern that's still present from the night before, when he remembers seeing his friend shake and breathe so quickly. He doesn't deserve this desire to make sure things aren't over somehow, but he clutches him so tightly, mostly to make sure that even if he's just going into the pantry, that it's not some front of escape from him. )

action; (day one-hundred and fifty-nine, late afternoon)

[channellings]

[at the same time he's doing this, klaus's leaving a second box on emil's bedside, although this one has a green and gold ribbon instead. of course, the swede's the one he's most worried about stumbling across while he's creeping around in their room. nobody's fault that he wants to stay in bed and he's almost certain no one minds either, but it makes it hella tricky to slip him a birthday gift.

which is a second bracelet in more tissue paper, though this one's made with an elastic band rather than cord. they had to be different so they could be told apart, okay? (and maybe he ran out of cord, but nevertheless—)

there's a note for him, too:]

𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘭,

i'm also sorry to you for the inadvertent weed dosage. but then again, like, kind of not? because you both needed some chill, even for just a little while. you especially, though. i do hope they helped despite being unplanned. like i said in lalli's note, too: i'll keep the weed cookies up in my room, away from speedy gremlin hands. oh, and the ones cooling downstairs right now are just plain ol' cookies. help yourself before lalli comes home and eats them all.

i know, we don't really know the dates or whatever, but it's fine. despite the birthdays having passed, there are other gift-giving holidays coming along. picking your color was a bit harder for some reason... not sure why? here's hoping you like it, though!

—𝘬𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘴

❰ action ❱ day 154 (nov 10th), late night.

[skittering]

❰ this is impossible.

it shouldn't be. it's the same thing he's been doing for weeks now, more or less. existing adjacent to emil. sleeping curled at the head of the bed, but so careful now not to cross the invisible line between emil's space and his own. all his life, it's been lalli who needed his space. he's never had to be careful of someone else's before.

he didn't have to be careful of it last night, either. they were - not just okay, better than okay. emil smiled again. lalli thinks he must have smiled, too. he curves his mouth now in the dark to see if it feels familiar, but it just makes something twist in the pit of his gut. he shouldn't be doing this. he needs to sleep. he needs to but he can't, because for the first time since they've met, emil feels like a stranger and the bedroom feels just as wrong as it did when emil was dead.

this is impossible. it's unsustainable, that's the pragmatic term. but there's no pragmatic answer to this. only the brutally stubborn decision not to address it, followed in a pathetically short amount of time by - ❱

I don't know how to fix this. ❰ miserably, almost desperately, barely more than a whisper. he knows emil is awake. stranger or no, he knows the sound of sleep-breathing. ❱ I killed you and I broke it and I don't know what to do but I can't just - ❰ his throat closes around the words, but he forces it back open. forces his tone to level out even just a little bit, even as his hand lifts up to grip at some of the hair near his temple. ❱ Tried to be strangers again, like you want to be. But I'm weak and I'm stupid and I don't know how to do that, either. ❰ he doesn't seem to realize his tone's gone that little bit ragged again already.

his lips press together a second, then he exhales a helpless sort of huff. ❱

I can't even find a stupid cat.

[enflame]

( He isn't asleep, that's correct. Emil is lying on his pillow; he'd be staring straight at the ceiling if his eyes were open, but they're closed and his breathing is deep. Sleep won't come for a while, but just...existing like this, it keeps his headache at bay.

If they weren't in bed, he'd think the first comment is some observation about a drawer sticking, or some other banal problem. No, there's that tone to it...so sad, despondent that it causes Emil to open his eyes as he wracks his brain for some context.

Then he hears something he's been trying to avoid thinking about for these past two weeks: "I killed you."

Emil forgets to breathe after that, but he holds on to every word Lalli says. They're all important, and most of them are familiar. Words he's been thinking himself, and that's why they confuse him as much as they rip his heart in two. Lalli ends by lamenting the presence -- more correctly, the lack thereof -- of a cat, or maybe Emil cuts him off by sitting up quickly and turning his whole body to look down and absorb just how miserable the other man is. )

Lalli, I... ( His voice is a hoarse half-whisper, trying to force down the panic this sudden conversation has instilled within him. What does he say to all of that? Why is he parroting these sentiments that Emil has kept inside of himself this whole time? How can Lalli think these things that are so categorically untrue when they come from his own mouth? Where does a cat fit into all of this?

To aptly sum it up, voice catching in his throat halfway through ) What are you saying? That's all just...that's not how it is.

❰ text ❱ day 170 (nov 26th), afternoon.

[skittering]

❰ he's not entirely positive where emil is today - lalli was supposed to be out scouting, himself, but he got a bit... sidetracked. he meant to tell emil about it in person, but he does have to go back out (there's more to investigate before he loses daylight, he still has a job to do), so instead emil's getting a text. ❱

watch your step in the bedroom. surprise for you. keeps getting underfoot

❰ it's lucky that finnish for 'underfoot' makes a terrible name, honestly. ❱

[enflame]

( The day had started out as one for errands -- getting things for food they would need, one of his unscheduled visits to Tyr to make sure there wasn't anything God-related that he missed. Instead, going into town Emil's greeted by a dog. A real, live dog. Not infected, furry, smaller than he's accustomed to. Likely someone's familiar run astray.

Then there's another, then a cat. All varied in size and type, none of which seemed to dissipate after any allotted time as far as he could tell. At least in this instance, no natives seem to be out and on the prowl to butcher and wave the poor creatures in the streets, but that's not the only reason he has an urge to catch one. A cat, not a dog. He's still not sure of those things yet.

After a few hours attempting to catch one, graceless when not very concerned by the fact that some animals seemed to have requests, he receives a text from Lalli. A vague memory floats through his mind at the implication. He did ask for exactly this for a birthday gift, after all, even if mostly in jest. )

Is there really a cat in there ? You took a picture, right?

( Not just because he'd like confirmation that what is being hinted at is true, but also so he can see the blessed face and markings of the angel they're now saddled with.

It also means he doesn't have to brave falling out of this tree he's made an attempt to climb to snag one for himself. )

❰ action ❱ day 184 (dec 10th), just after midnight

[skittering]

❰ the eyes aren't searching now. not like they were - drifting, all-encompassing. now they're scanning, two points of not-quite-hazy red glow systematically searching the path where it knows he should be. where it heard him, smelled him, sensed him. but he's gone, watching the silhouette of it through metres of water as he sinks, still as the grave so it doesn't see the ripples. he shouldn't be able to see those eyes so clearly, not through this much water, but he can. they graze over the water's surface above him but not quite through to where he sinks, brow knit, lungs burning with fear and the need for air.

he tries again to wake up. he can't remember a time when he's tried to wake up from the dreamscape but couldn't. but the kade is too close, trapping him in this realm, in this spot, so far down now that no light reaches but nonetheless he's forced to blink away stars that drift before his eyes and fade into the ever-encroaching blackness around his vision.

he tries again to wake up. he's not sure how many more times he'll be able to try. how long he can cling stubbornly to consciousness. it will find him, once he slips. the drowning body jerks before it stills, he has the grim misfortune to know, and it will find him before he's died.

he's slipping. he can feel his throat loosening, exhausted by the effort, and with diligent sluggishness he lifts his hands to plug his nose and cover his mouth - but they don't quite make it in time. the tiniest breath escapes, a half-dozen tiny bubbles in the black of the bottomless dream-sea, and it's enough.

it seems like the very next moment that something dark and formless jabs under the water, glowing eyes finding him even in the dark.

and then he breaks through, jolting upright in bed for the second time in as many months. both hands are wrapped defensively around his throat. maybe they just arrived, but it's far more likely that he's been clutching his throat since before he woke up, body far too rigid, breathing far too quick and ragged. he forces himself to let go of his throat now, instead wrapping them around the back of his head to weigh it down as he sets his forehead on bent knees. ❱

It's fine, ❰ he deflects, or tries to. it's unconvincing. his throat's too hoarse. emil's almost definitely been touching him all this time, but if so, it only now seems to register and he flinches away before realizing what he's done and repeating, ❱ It's fine. I just need-... ❰ what does he need? space? a minute? lalli doesn't know. he lets out an exhale, rough with frustration at first but he forces it to slow into something more steady. ❱

[enflame]

( It's true, that Emil has been touching him, before Lalli had any indication of waking up. His own sleep had been stirred by some fitful movement, waking up to discover his boyfriend trembling before his arms had flown to clutch at his throat. Sitting up, Emil took one of his shoulders with a rough shake in an attempt to shock him from whatever nightmare had him so ensnared. It felt like minutes passed, all efforts fruitless even as he called out Lalli's name at an increasing volume.

Once Lalli finally wakes up, the question can't even be asked before an answer cuts off words that don't exist. The flinch comes and the shoulder is let go off; Emil doesn't take it personally. The concern in this moment is too heavy and at the front of his mind. )

What? ( It's soft, as much a way of asking if there's anything he can do as he can muster in the moment. The background is filled with an ambient river sound that can't be placed based on the setting's current activity, If he needs to be quiet, leave, be there in some other way...so be it. )

❰ action ❱ day 250 (feb 14th)

[skittering]

❰ lalli came home more than a little too late last night to catch emil still awake, but on the morning of the 14th he'll wake to find a single white flower in a jar half full of dirt on the bedside table. he hasn't quite forgotten how poorly the last little white flower managed, nor has he forgotten how excited emil was to see it.

there's no note, no indication of why this thing has been left in this place. just a finn sleeping comfortably in his spot, likely for quite a bit longer after his late night out. ❱

[enflame]

( Lalli is gone a lot lately. That's fine -- the first few days Emil thought it was perhaps reactionary, like the absence was related to something he did, didn't do. Maybe some other emotional happenstance that Lalli is more apt to run through a forest to avoid instead of more typical forms of communication. Instead, it's just a very fierce investment in scouting, learning more about this sap and the other wild magics of Asgard, and thus Emil is unbothered by seeing him more sporadically.

Typically Lalli either wakes him up somehow or is gone before Emil wakes, but today he stirs to find Lalli still in bed. Despite voicing no complaints about not seeing his boyfrend as much, this is still the preferable scenario. It makes continuing his own day harder, which would mean missing ou on closeness, interaction -- and it's also not as if he'll complain about spending some more time in bed.

Eventually Lalli also begins to wake up, and he's offered a stroke of his hair, from the crown of his head down so that he can feel Emil's hand against his cheek. )

Morning. ( The hand retracts. There are questions he could ask about what all Lalli found or did out in the woods yesterday, curiosities of his own, but instead comments on the new feature of the room: a small white flower, jarred and placed on their side table. Maybe it ties together anyway; it's some sort of sap specimen that Lalli brought in for observation. ) Your flower looks nice.