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[enflame]

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[enflame]

( Not one of the first things he would have guessed. )

Hmm? What for? Of? ( He's not as awake as he'd like to be, actually. )

[lalliho]

[Honestly, having Emil be a little more sluggish right now isn't so bad. He can always dismiss this as a crazy dream if he regrets it later, this way, and talking...is just easier. Not being face to face and feeling smothered by the presence of another is good, too.]

You. Us.

I don't want to lose you like I lose everyone else.

[enflame]

( The somber thought is sobering -- enough to make him blink a few times and turn over on his marketplace bed, staring at the open room instead of the wall. Does he mean like...dying?

Actually he doesn't know if Lalli has other dead family members, so assuming that probably isn't it. Maybe. )

I'm not going anywhere. Well, as far as I know. ( Kind of a foot in mouth thing to include, but he's groggy. ) There's nothing to really be afraid of.

[lalliho]

[What an optimistic sunshine boy.]

...

[He's a jumble of thoughts, and it takes a while for him to pick out the right one.]

I don't believe you? It always happens. But...I still... [ugh.] It hurts.

[enflame]

( It's a hard thing to respond to because there's a sentiment of disbelief, but he's not too stupid as to think Lalli's being accusatory, calling him a liar. It's become abundantly clear as of late that someone leaving isn't something within control.

More negative emotions he can't friendship speech his way out of, awesome. )

I...guess I can't make promises. ( It's the harsh reality and it hurts to have to face it, especially in the face of uncertainty. ) But that doesn't mean anything in the long run. Neither of us are in danger right now...and we know how to take care of ourselves, and each other. You can't say something always happens until it actually does happen, and I'm still here after all.

This world hopping business makes things a little more complicated, but we've done well so far, haven't we? ( Just because he can't friendship speech his way out of it doesn't mean he won't try. )

[lalliho]

Have we?

[From where he's sitting, it looks like disaster after disaster, tbh. Even if you take out that whole mess back home, he sent himself into a magical coma and didn't even have anything positive to show for it. He'll never understand this hope that always shone through the bleakest times for Emil...]

Mrrh. Never mind... I thought it would be easier. Not being friends? I thought it would help.

[enflame]

( Well, at least Emil is proud that he took pretty good care of his friend in a coma. Having magic of his own sucks, and so does burning things down, but no one has died or been wounded -- that seems like a good thing.

Emil doesn't really have anything to say about that, though -- he thinks through a few things, but he sort of stops on something else. )

...Did you not want to be friends with me? ( IT'S GREAT THAT THEY ARE FRIENDS but inserting "were" into that equations is saddening. )

[lalliho]

[Silence. Sadness. Finally,] I'm not like you, Emil. Nothing about you makes sense to me... When I thought we were friends, I thought...things could be okay? But things aren't like that, for me. Even if you still think they are.

I don't want...that to get you hurt.

[But thanks to telepathy, there's still...something there. Some invisible need reaching out and grabbing hold like if it lets go, there's no coming back from the fall ahead of it. It's starved for something like Emil. What Emil can do for Lalli.

He can't let go... He doesn't want to. And he wants to be selfish, again.]

[enflame]

( Emil doesn't want to be angry or sad, but he also can't help it. Lalli isn't the only one of the two who thinks of themselves before others at times. Emil's grown to consider Lalli -- maybe not above himself, but at least aside himself.

It's the least he can do to try and keep a lid on it as much as possible, but some of his impulsive emotion comes through. )

Nothing about me makes sense to you? I don't understand everything about you either -- but I'm trying! I wouldn't just stop being friends with you because of it, either!

( Ughhhh, he doesn't like feeling so negatively. He also knows there's no use talking to Lalli like this, it'll just end with no one being happy with the exchange. Evidence he's trying. )

It's not a bad thing to worry -- I mean, I was worried about you the other day and everything. But I'm also responsible for myself. ( It's actually sort of weird to vocalize that he's learned that lesson. A few months ago, even after the miracle of military training, taking full responsibility for himself would have been nearly impossible. ) You can't just put everything on yourself. I don't think that's what being friends is about.

( Not that he has a lot of experience in that area -- Lalli is his first friend, after all. But that makes him feel good. He doesn't want it to make Lalli feel bad. )

[lalliho]

[No... Emil's right, it doesn't sound like that's what being friends is. But how could he not, when he was the connecting factor of all the horrible things that happened around him? How could he expose Emil to almost certain misery? Just because he wanted a friend...

He's responsible for himself. He's...

Gods, he's not ready. Whoever 'he' was.]

What would make you stop being friends with me?

[enflame]

( Lalli's comeback is a pleasant surprise -- well, in the context that at least he's not as upset as he could be. It's still a question that catches Emil off guard since he has no easy answer to that.

It's just not something he's thought about. He'll parse it over for a while. )

...I can't really think of anything. I believe the point of being friends is trying to avoid things like that. "Through thick and thin," I think is the phrase.

( Which shows a lot of growth considering a year ago the list could have rambled on for a good few minutes. )

[lalliho]

...

[holy shit what a stupid, lovely boy. Like, he's not really sure what to do about that, it's so beautiful and completely moronic?]

I don't really know how you're alive.

[FOR REAL. WHAT THE FUCK. PEOPLE WITH A LOT MORE INTELLIGENCE AND SKILL THAN EMIL F. VÄSTERSTRÖM (THE F STANDS FOR FUCKING) WERE DEAD, AND SOME OF THEM GONE. HE'S MADE IT SO FAR, AGAINST ALL ODDS...]

[enflame]

...What does that have to do with anything?

( HE'S PRETTY SURE THAT'S SOMEHOW INSULTING BUT HE CAN'T CONNECT POINTS A AND B )

[lalliho]

You're really stupid?

[SORRY...]

But if it means...you can smile like that, I guess that's okay. Once you're safe. I want you to be able to keep doing that.

[For the both of them. Not in his stead, but... Something else. Something that was still benefitting him, even if he didn't understand it.]

[enflame]

I'm...not sure if I should be offended or not?

( Upon further inspection the soft feeling of -- did Lalli just tell him he wanted him to keep smiling? He thinks so. -- the positive part of that telepathy message wins against being called stupid. )

If you want to work on being better friends, you probably shouldn't call me -- or other people -- stupid all the time.

But thanks...I appreciate it. I don't think I'm in any immediate danger, so you don't have to worry about my safety.

[lalliho]

...Okay, but you are?

[like...come on...]

[enflame]

I am not. ( He'll never understand why Lalli thinks this considering he is the epitome of intelligence. )

Even if you think things like that, it's rude to say it all the time -- like if I called you weird every day.

( He.....literally probably has in some form or fashion. )

[lalliho]

[...ye-ah, Lalli is very clearly (thanks telepathy) thinking the same thing.

But anyway.]

Okay. Can I come over? You can go back to sleep.

[enflame]

If you're coming over, shouldn't I be awake? I don't mind, either way.

( It'll at least save him the grogginess of sleeping for five minutes and being woken up again. )

[lalliho]

[Well...]

Not really. I just wanted to see you.

[You don't have to be awake for him to stare at you like a weirdo, see.]

[enflame]

( Gay. )

Okay...well, I'll be awake anyway. Or not. I'm still in the marketplace suite.

( He is extremely tired so let's see how long he lasts. )

[lalliho]

[leave his emotional, interaction-starved self alone]

Mmn.

[It isn't too long before he scratches at the door to be let in. If Emil doesn't open up, he'll go in himself, but...habits. And fear.]

[enflame]

( Emil's just sort of blearily staring at the ceiling when he hears the scratching, which at first gives him the creepy crawlies but -- oh yeah, Lalli would probably do that.

Still, he gets up cautiously and opens his door while peering out, just making sure some surprise lizard creature isn't here to harass him about mating again or something. Thank goodness, it's a different type of gremlin. )

Come in. You can let yourself in next time, if you want.

( Enjoy his humble abode which is literally just a bed, a rug and a table. )

[lalliho]

[He hums vaguely, averting his gaze at first in some residual instinct to avoid him, but once he's inside and the door shut behind him, he manages to glance up.

And the world continues to turn. Wow.]

Um.

[...what does he even do... He sits at the bedside and rests his temple against the mattress. There, that works.]

...What have you been...? [uhhh doing I guess lmao he's awkward kill him]

[enflame]

( Watching Lalli is indeed baffling. Emil just sort of follows him with a vague, sleepy interest as he strolls in, looks around then just sort of slumps next to his bed.

These places should really have chairs, because it feels weird to get in bed now....oh well, there's always the floor. That's where he decides to sit for now, trying to formulate what he's...been. )

It's not like much has happened since that attack situation. ...I got stuck in some strange ritual meet-and-greet in the marketplace earlier; I don't know if you saw that nonsense.